whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize
