You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize
