i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
Life is so much better after having sex.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
