Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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