You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
