when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize