So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Randomize
