i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
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