Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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