after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
