we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
