Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Randomize
