he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
