I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
