He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize
