I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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