i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
no you cant smoke seaweed
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
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