Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
