What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
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