i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
