i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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