There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
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