they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
