I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Randomize
