why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
