I got her a Nickelback box set.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
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