I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Randomize
