PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag