I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
Fuck appropriateness.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Randomize
