well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
Is This New Dating App Elitist…Or Genius?
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.