i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
You Wouldn’t Guess That These 25 Celebrities Are Complete A**holes
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
27 Of The Most NSFW Life Hacks
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄