I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks