yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.