apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
30+ People Share Their Worst ‘Intimate Experience’ And They’re Traumatizing
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
We had to coat check the pizza.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
25 Shocking High School Scandals You Won’t Believe Are True
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me