I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
I am one with the molecules
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Randomize
