Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
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