So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Randomize
