Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
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