I didn't shave. On purpose
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
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