I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Why are your pants in the freezer?
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