im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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