Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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