I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
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