hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
