Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Randomize
