I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Is her dick bigger than yours?
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
Randomize
