so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
