he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Randomize
