I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize