What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
That accounts for only three of the penises
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Randomize
