Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize
