I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
