Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize
