There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
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