Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Randomize
