If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
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I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
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I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
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