Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
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walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
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I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
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