I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
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