Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
The ass gains better be worth it
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