just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Randomize
