I don't usually arrange sex via text message
I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
