I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize