I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
