Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
I booty called her while she was in labor.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
