Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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