Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
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