Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
