Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
Farmville is her only friend.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
