I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
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She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
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