why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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