My room smells like vodka and shame
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
Randomize