im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
