Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
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